a queer engagement

Shannon (left) and Gillian (right)

G: The cat is out of the bag! In true lesbian fashion, Shannon and I both proposed simultaneously this weekend. 

S: I am over the moon, head over heels, out of my mind happy and excited! Gillian is the absolute love of my life, and I've known in my heart since we first kissed that they are my life partner. What a treasure and a gift to get to plan to spend the rest of our lives together. 

G: I remember telling a close friend during the first week of our relationship that I was going to propose to Shannon. I felt a kind of certainty with her that I had never experienced with anyone else. I used to roll my eyes at cliches like "When you know, you know" or "You'll find love when you're least expecting it," but there is some truth there after all (at least for me). I feel like I stumbled upon the greatest treasure I will ever find, that the universe was pulling us toward each other all along. Shannon is the love of my life, and I feel so grateful to exist in the same time and space as her.

the preparation

S: About a year ago, we started talking casually about our engagement timeline, and thinking just for fun about what our wedding might look like. Talking casually turned into soft planning, which was a huge blast and a fun way to connect about our desires and dreams for something like a wedding. We ended up looking at rings together, picking them out, discussing our proposal expectations, and then leaving the rest up to one another to plan a proposal. 

G: Shannon and I are very honest with each other. We both talk very casually about serious topics (and sometimes very seriously about casual topics). We planned and picked out rings together (ours are from a Chicago-based jewelry designer named Lindsay Lewis), but we told each other that we'd like the proposal to be a surprise.

S: I had originally been planning to propose to Gillian the next time we spent a week in the summer with my family, but I just couldn't wait that long! This year has been a bit crazy for us and I wanted to celebrate our love despite it all. After a chance conversation determined that Gillian was also moving up their plan (they'd originally planned to propose on our anniversary during a total solar eclipse, but changed their mind so that they didn't have to worry so much about the weather) I went deep into proposal stealth mode... (read on to learn how desperately un-stealthy I am).

G: After deciding I couldn't wait until next April, I had been separately planning a proposal with a tentative date in January that involved our favorite art museum (MASS MoCA) and bookstore (The Bear and Bee), as well as a dinner out nearby. About a month ago, Shannon sent me a Google Calendar invite for a date to that same art museum on Saturday, December 2. We do use Google Calendar to schedule things, but she was being so weird, so I got suspicious she was planning something.

S: Okay, so I am a terrible liar. This is something I knew about myself, but never in my life have I been forced to LIE straight to my sweetest love's FACE for days and weeks on end. Very difficult for this one. I giggle. I squirm. I am incapable of fabricating a logical excuse. So basically I was doomed. My therapist was laughing at my panic and helping me plan ways to throw Gillin off the scent, my sister was helping me plan the proposal (which we later found out was the EXACT same idea that Gillian had), and I was doing my best not to explode from excitement (or lying-induced stress). 

G: On Friday night (Google Calendar date is Saturday), I was feeling overwhelmed from the week. I told Shannon that I really wanted a weekend with no plans (I was speaking generally), but Shannon thought I meant I didn't want to go on the date the next day and started crying really hard. I was so confused! 

S: Yes, at that point, the mountain of pent-up feelings became too much and the floodgates opened. Gillian was so sweet to me and eventually asked gently, "Are we Patrick-And-David-ing each other?" I nodded, and we spent the night cry-laughing, reading proposal fail stories, and reassuring one another that we didn't ruin anything! We decided to still go through with the day I had planned, much to my gratitude. Gillian is the most incredible and understanding partner in the world. What a gift that I get to love them, and that they love me despite my silly self.

G: I think Shannon underestimates how much of a surprise was still left! Even though I knew she was going to propose, I still didn't know when or where or how. At this point, I was frantically texting a few close friends to get advice on whether or not I should propose too. I surmised that the day Shannon was planning was eerily similar to the idea I was putting together for January, so it felt sweet that the proposal might happen at the same time. I didn't want to upstage her proposal though, so I decided to feel it out and see how the day went.

the date

G: The date started when Shannon told me to go to the car. On the passenger seat, she left a Winnie the Pooh book she had just bought while we were visiting my family for Thanksgiving. When I opened to the bookmarked page, Shannon had connected the words to write a sweet poem for me - instant tears! This was one of the most special moments of the whole day. I have never felt so loved. 

S: Gillian is an incredible poet. I always want to give back to them what they have given to me (the sweetest love poems I could ever imagine). Mine definitely don't live up to Gillian's skill, but it is a special way for me to try to pay that sweetness back to them. 

On we went to MASS MoCA. I had been discussing with my sister and therapist how I might best throw Gillian off the scent that I was about to propose, so I decided to bring them to our favorite art museum first, NOT propose, and hopefully assist in the surprise magic by leaving it for our next activity. Even though the secret was out, I decided to still follow those instincts. 

G: Shannon's plan to throw me off by not proposing in MASS MoCA worked, and I started to get a little nervous. At this point, I was still debating proposing to her, so I was mostly just like...when is it going to happen? 

the proposal

S: The Bear and Bee is our favorite queer bookshop, and we always stop there after we visit MASS MoCA. This is where I had planned it. Usually, the shop is quiet and homey-feeling. This evening, however, it was so busy (a very good problem of course). Without a clear private space to propose, I began walking through the shelves and trying to find a tucked-away nook. Lo and behold... the children's reading corner (i.e., a tiny space between two bookshelves with a blanket fort-like aesthetic and a glowing moon hanging overhead). I knew immediately that the universe had sent me this tiny, silly space, and I pulled Gillian down into it with me. 

G: At that point, I knew it was happening! Shannon pulled out a ring and asked me to marry her, and after saying yes, I pulled out a ring and asked her to marry me! It all happened so fast - and then Shannon was happy-crying and I was laughing. When we emerged from the corner, the bookstore owner asked if we were okay, and we showed her our rings. She was so excited she gave us a mug for free and posted a photo of us on the shop's Instagram.

Gillian wears a salt & pepper diamond ring (left) and Shannon has one with sapphire/blue topaz (right)

the aftermath

Shannon grins with her ring while holding a glass of rosé

S: After happy-crying my heart out, Gillian and walked across the street to PUBLIC, where we basked in the glow of our new engagement. At this point, it totally didn't feel real yet. I oscillated between flashbacks of pre-proposal anxiety and unhinged giddiness. Most of all, I felt more in love than ever.

G: After a delicious dinner, Shannon drove me home. She snuck in before me and set up champagne, macarons, and the sweetest Winnie the Pooh tea set. It was another moment that made me feel so loved and so seen! The quiet moments between the two of us are always my favorite. 

the celebration setup

what's next

G: So much celebrating! I have a date paid for in January for my previously planned proposal that we are going to use to celebrate. We've been telling our friends and family, which is so special. We've had a pretty tough year, so this happy moment has reminded me of all the love I have in my life. I am so grateful to have Shannon as a partner - she's always my biggest supporter, and I look up to her so much. I'm beyond excited to get married.

S: Gillian is the sweetest love of my life. I feel silly and safe and supported and so loved with them. I never take it for granted. I can't wait to marry them!!

xo

the roommates